the Wind and the Waves
Wow... two in a row? I'm gonna break a record... and my fingers lol. I know it is kind of late, but I couldn’t sleep AT ALL and so I drank an iced cappuccino and now I'm just waiting for the coffee crash. lol.
First off I'd like to congratulate two of my oldest Florida friends for their completing another year on this earth. Happy 17th, Brooklyn!! Happy 19th, Jennifer!! Miss you both!
I just briefed over my past five blogs… boy do I write a lot! lol. But I’ve also been reminded of why I write. There have been so many times in my life that I’ve had a conviction or resolution in my heart or word from God. I would write it down. and then …I’d forget it. But then, it seems at the perfect time, I find it again… and I’m reminded of what I learned. Tonight God reminded me of conviction… how in the world did I make it this far? Why am I where I am right now? What happened in between who I was in the past and who I am now? God’s been reminding me of callings He’s placed on my life, of vows I’ve made to Him. And I love Him for it!! Why in the world did I break up with Josh? Oh yea… now I know. How in the world did I last this long, and why is it different now than it was before the summer? Ah yes… sighs. Man… I had honestly given up, guys. I became perfectly content with the fact that I would probably never even gain his friendship back. And, when I had given it up to God, He gave it back. Now, Josh and I are slowly mending our friendship again, while still desiring a satisfaction in singleness. It’s been quite amazing, learning all this crap. lol.
My Senior Goals List has lengthened… ninety-one already!! I’m so excited lol.
Man… I’m dying to tell you more about camp… not only did I have the greatest 17th birthday, a mixture of teenage drama, and great tanning time, I also got totally touched by the Wind.
Master’s Commission is a hands-on program, where you completely devote yourself to the church for one to two years. You can leave after two years as a licensed minister, and you get to travel extensively. I’ve heard about it from Matt and Vicki, but I felt it was some big “tied down to the church” ordeal and had no real interest in it. At Fine Arts, Dad met Memphis MCs and said I should check it out. Of COURSE I wouldn’t do what Dad says to do lol, and when Josh told me that he wants so desperately to do MC, I completely turned down the entire idea. I couldn’t go, cuz then everyone would think I was chasing after him!! It’s funny, you can ask a lot of people, I was dead set against going. Then at camp… I spent an entire week with MCs… I met Justin and Kari Romero… they were amazing!! The Romeros are the best speakers, I love them, GREAT in drama, and their MC group did the best skits!! One kid, Shaun, started talking to me about MC the second day, and I was all “I don’t really know…” But the night before, one MC girl, I’m not sure which one, prayed for me… started saying “God, please show LiAnne where she will go!” Where I will go?! I knew EXACTLY what God started stirring in my heart… college. And a silent knowledge shook me…. I knew it was Masters Commission. ALL DAY Tuesday, that was all I heard from like everybody… “oh MC, LiAnne, MC, you should go to MC.” AH!!!! And Tuesday night, I don’t remember exactly how the walls crumbled… but BOY did Jericho fall down that night…. I heard it plain as day. God was calling me to Masters Commission!! I went to Kari’s dorm that night and said, “Kari… I don’t wanna go to MC…” lol. it was quite hilarious. Well course rumor got out, and everyone started talking about it by morning. And I had only told like two people! But it’s okay…I talked a lot AGAIN about MC and choosing the right reasons to go. And that night… worship lasted all night! It was the most amazing, wild, UNDIGNIFIED worship service I have ever been to! I swear we could have broken glass if there were windows (hmm…. No wonder they don’t have any! lol) And then… we ended the night with… a water baptism! IN THE OCEAN! It was beautiful, guys, I wish you could have been there. God totally came in… we just stood on the beach and sang worship songs late into the night. I started falling asleep it was so late lol. But I kept saying that it was the best last day of being sixteen. The next day… I TURNED SEVENTEEN!!!! Woo hoo!!!!! But skipping to the good parts… service was good too. But I have to admit… I didn’t push hard that night. I was… held back. By…myself. He was calling for complete, uncontrolled consecration… and I held onto and covered my hands over certain stains still left on my heart. It took me a long time to let Him scrub off the spots of my past and my fleshly desires, but BOY DID IT FEEL GOOD!! Please… lemme do some preachin at the moment… it’s so obvious and so cliché, but GOD CANNOT WORK IN YOU UNLESS YOU GIVE IT ALL! I tried for so long to have love for God and love for gods. Oh my gosh, in my prayer journal a couple weeks ago, I started the letter with… “I don’t love You enough, do I?... if I did it wouldn’t be so hard to obey You, right?” I found that I was so caught up in satisfying my own desires, that I kind of forgot His, and it showed how little I loved Him. Perhaps I’m still tangled in some desires… now that I think of this Goals List… My Oswald Chambers devotional used the verse yesterday about committing your plans to God, and He would make it come to pass. It took me a bit, but I sat there and said, “okay, God… I commit these goals to you… I trust that You’ll sift them through the Holy Spirit filter.” (Brooklyn line). I’m so scared! Because there are some krazy stuff I wanna do! What if He doesn’t like it? What if He has other ideas, ones that don’t line up with mine? Maybe that IS one of my biggest fears. Like, for one, there’s a possibility that we might be moving this year somewheres. If Dad gets a permanent job out of state, we’re packing. And I SOOOO do not want to move my senior.. that’ll SOO screw up a lot of these goals I’ve placed for myself. You know, now that I think about it, it took me a while to completely let go of my goals for Josh and me. Even after I had given up on FUTURE goals, certain present ones still distracted me. After I asked him out to the Sunset Dinner (yes I did that, and it was the stupidest thing on the planet) AND after he turned me down, MiLissa gave me a big lecture about how I need to stop pursuing him. And then Rochelle told me that I REALLY need to give him space, because he really needs to grow up (so true, unfortunately). When Rochelle said that, it kind of reminded me of why we aren’t together anymore/yet anyway… WE NEED TO GROW UP! And… my desires and my plans were to still enjoy a little bit of romance with him… but it was kind of messing up GOD’S plans to enjoy a little bit of romance with Him! Catch my drift?... but alas, I’m finally learning. I’ve quite enjoyed a little bit of lack-o-Josh lol. shocking, isn’t it.
One last story to tell. Thursday night, the night of my 17th birthday… I was given an example of the ocean. How the midnight sleeplessness can be accompanied by the sound of the comforting waves I’ve yet to see at dawn. When Matt said that the sound of the waves can be distracting you from the sound of the wind (a symbol of God), MiLissa’s comeback was… “well, what is that makes the waves crash against the shore anyway?” hmm… God created these desires, these feelings, these dreams...these waves. It took me a while to learn that I needed to wait until dawn to see these dreams come true. Now I’m learning how to balance my attention toward the wind and the waves. I’m learning how to have more of a passion for the Dreamer than the dream. Gosh. and I’m learning how to let the Wind kiss my cheek… the Wind that creates the waves, the Wind that sometimes remains silent, the Wind that has His OWN course of direction… and not mine…
First off I'd like to congratulate two of my oldest Florida friends for their completing another year on this earth. Happy 17th, Brooklyn!! Happy 19th, Jennifer!! Miss you both!
I just briefed over my past five blogs… boy do I write a lot! lol. But I’ve also been reminded of why I write. There have been so many times in my life that I’ve had a conviction or resolution in my heart or word from God. I would write it down. and then …I’d forget it. But then, it seems at the perfect time, I find it again… and I’m reminded of what I learned. Tonight God reminded me of conviction… how in the world did I make it this far? Why am I where I am right now? What happened in between who I was in the past and who I am now? God’s been reminding me of callings He’s placed on my life, of vows I’ve made to Him. And I love Him for it!! Why in the world did I break up with Josh? Oh yea… now I know. How in the world did I last this long, and why is it different now than it was before the summer? Ah yes… sighs. Man… I had honestly given up, guys. I became perfectly content with the fact that I would probably never even gain his friendship back. And, when I had given it up to God, He gave it back. Now, Josh and I are slowly mending our friendship again, while still desiring a satisfaction in singleness. It’s been quite amazing, learning all this crap. lol.
My Senior Goals List has lengthened… ninety-one already!! I’m so excited lol.
Man… I’m dying to tell you more about camp… not only did I have the greatest 17th birthday, a mixture of teenage drama, and great tanning time, I also got totally touched by the Wind.
Master’s Commission is a hands-on program, where you completely devote yourself to the church for one to two years. You can leave after two years as a licensed minister, and you get to travel extensively. I’ve heard about it from Matt and Vicki, but I felt it was some big “tied down to the church” ordeal and had no real interest in it. At Fine Arts, Dad met Memphis MCs and said I should check it out. Of COURSE I wouldn’t do what Dad says to do lol, and when Josh told me that he wants so desperately to do MC, I completely turned down the entire idea. I couldn’t go, cuz then everyone would think I was chasing after him!! It’s funny, you can ask a lot of people, I was dead set against going. Then at camp… I spent an entire week with MCs… I met Justin and Kari Romero… they were amazing!! The Romeros are the best speakers, I love them, GREAT in drama, and their MC group did the best skits!! One kid, Shaun, started talking to me about MC the second day, and I was all “I don’t really know…” But the night before, one MC girl, I’m not sure which one, prayed for me… started saying “God, please show LiAnne where she will go!” Where I will go?! I knew EXACTLY what God started stirring in my heart… college. And a silent knowledge shook me…. I knew it was Masters Commission. ALL DAY Tuesday, that was all I heard from like everybody… “oh MC, LiAnne, MC, you should go to MC.” AH!!!! And Tuesday night, I don’t remember exactly how the walls crumbled… but BOY did Jericho fall down that night…. I heard it plain as day. God was calling me to Masters Commission!! I went to Kari’s dorm that night and said, “Kari… I don’t wanna go to MC…” lol. it was quite hilarious. Well course rumor got out, and everyone started talking about it by morning. And I had only told like two people! But it’s okay…I talked a lot AGAIN about MC and choosing the right reasons to go. And that night… worship lasted all night! It was the most amazing, wild, UNDIGNIFIED worship service I have ever been to! I swear we could have broken glass if there were windows (hmm…. No wonder they don’t have any! lol) And then… we ended the night with… a water baptism! IN THE OCEAN! It was beautiful, guys, I wish you could have been there. God totally came in… we just stood on the beach and sang worship songs late into the night. I started falling asleep it was so late lol. But I kept saying that it was the best last day of being sixteen. The next day… I TURNED SEVENTEEN!!!! Woo hoo!!!!! But skipping to the good parts… service was good too. But I have to admit… I didn’t push hard that night. I was… held back. By…myself. He was calling for complete, uncontrolled consecration… and I held onto and covered my hands over certain stains still left on my heart. It took me a long time to let Him scrub off the spots of my past and my fleshly desires, but BOY DID IT FEEL GOOD!! Please… lemme do some preachin at the moment… it’s so obvious and so cliché, but GOD CANNOT WORK IN YOU UNLESS YOU GIVE IT ALL! I tried for so long to have love for God and love for gods. Oh my gosh, in my prayer journal a couple weeks ago, I started the letter with… “I don’t love You enough, do I?... if I did it wouldn’t be so hard to obey You, right?” I found that I was so caught up in satisfying my own desires, that I kind of forgot His, and it showed how little I loved Him. Perhaps I’m still tangled in some desires… now that I think of this Goals List… My Oswald Chambers devotional used the verse yesterday about committing your plans to God, and He would make it come to pass. It took me a bit, but I sat there and said, “okay, God… I commit these goals to you… I trust that You’ll sift them through the Holy Spirit filter.” (Brooklyn line). I’m so scared! Because there are some krazy stuff I wanna do! What if He doesn’t like it? What if He has other ideas, ones that don’t line up with mine? Maybe that IS one of my biggest fears. Like, for one, there’s a possibility that we might be moving this year somewheres. If Dad gets a permanent job out of state, we’re packing. And I SOOOO do not want to move my senior.. that’ll SOO screw up a lot of these goals I’ve placed for myself. You know, now that I think about it, it took me a while to completely let go of my goals for Josh and me. Even after I had given up on FUTURE goals, certain present ones still distracted me. After I asked him out to the Sunset Dinner (yes I did that, and it was the stupidest thing on the planet) AND after he turned me down, MiLissa gave me a big lecture about how I need to stop pursuing him. And then Rochelle told me that I REALLY need to give him space, because he really needs to grow up (so true, unfortunately). When Rochelle said that, it kind of reminded me of why we aren’t together anymore/yet anyway… WE NEED TO GROW UP! And… my desires and my plans were to still enjoy a little bit of romance with him… but it was kind of messing up GOD’S plans to enjoy a little bit of romance with Him! Catch my drift?... but alas, I’m finally learning. I’ve quite enjoyed a little bit of lack-o-Josh lol. shocking, isn’t it.
One last story to tell. Thursday night, the night of my 17th birthday… I was given an example of the ocean. How the midnight sleeplessness can be accompanied by the sound of the comforting waves I’ve yet to see at dawn. When Matt said that the sound of the waves can be distracting you from the sound of the wind (a symbol of God), MiLissa’s comeback was… “well, what is that makes the waves crash against the shore anyway?” hmm… God created these desires, these feelings, these dreams...these waves. It took me a while to learn that I needed to wait until dawn to see these dreams come true. Now I’m learning how to balance my attention toward the wind and the waves. I’m learning how to have more of a passion for the Dreamer than the dream. Gosh. and I’m learning how to let the Wind kiss my cheek… the Wind that creates the waves, the Wind that sometimes remains silent, the Wind that has His OWN course of direction… and not mine…
posted by LiAnne at 10:51 PM
1 Comments:
man lizzie every comment you make is about how i'm way major krazy in writing lol do you ever step off the new york cab and just take a look at the heart of the writing? lol. it may be talkin' to you too...
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