Dry, Barren Winter...
I shouldnt be writing now... my eyes hurt, I'm actually writing with them closed at the moment. But, oddly enough, I was kind of in the mood to write... man.. that's never a good sign. lol.
Two months, baby! of sickness, of health, of better, of worse... lol. two months ago today was when it ended with da punk.
ALSO it's been exactly two weeks since Dad got the phone call. Tuesday night, after work, his people call and are all "we dont need you anymore". so just like that, he's out of the job. now THAT was shocking. It's been a little hard, living off of koolaid lol. But Dad's smart, he'll get another job. it's just having to wait for it! The tension and the trials. God sure loves that "perseverence" character in His people, cuz we got none of that and we've been put to its test too much. James said somethin' about trials developing perseverence... yup... they either make you or break you. choose, lianne, the red or blue pill...
i'm read to snap... literally... Oswald Chambers said that our life in the hands of God is like a bow and arrow in the hands of an archor. "God is aiming at something I cannot see, but my Lord continues to stretch and strain, and every once and a while I say, 'I cant take it anymore'. Yet God pays no attention; He goes on stretching until his purpose is in sight, and then He lets the arrow fly." Boy oh boy... it has has my life written all over that story... I keep thinking life should be all dandy right now, and wonder why in the WORLD it's not. It's summer, life's all pink and perky. But in my spiritual walk... I'm treadin' a dry, barren winter... in shorts.
I had just read my last blog before startin this one... man... I was seriously preachin to myself then... and I still get sompin out of it now. Where was that passion I claimed to have? That desire to enjoy this so-called God-given singlehood? No... it is, it is! a God given season... He leads me down to the still waters... AND through the valley of death. But as Misty Edwards says... It's only a shadow.
It hurts so badly! I used to say that I love winter because you get to wear layers and layers of clothes lol. In this season, though, I know there's a wardrobe somewhere in this Guidebook... lol.... He PROMISED a Comforter, remember? Didn't He? HE IS MY STRENGTH... My Sweater in the winter... I know He is here.... you dont know how close I sense Him sometimes... "strip off the summer apparal... let go of the past... embrace and enjoy this season now... let Me clothe and cover you..." I can't though... I loved my last season... when Dad had a job and Josh was beside me... I miss the fall leaves lol literally and spiritually. It was so comforting and familar and scary and exciting. And now I'm freezing to death...
We were gardening outside the other day... it was so terribley hot, I mean like 95 degrees and we were tilling the stupid hilly ground! lol. I was like I cannot tolerate this any longer. As Rachel, my baby sister, washed the dog, she began to let a shower of hose water sprinkle the garden, and run down our sweaty necks. man it felt so, stinkin good. I was like... hmm... maybe summer wont be as unbearable as I thought it was ... as long as I keep the right apparal and stay close to the opposite temperatured accessories (aka icecream and hoses). AND THEN IT TOTALLY DAWNED ON ME! It was so suddenly shocking, if it was a snake it woulda bitten me lol.
Mom says this time is just something I have to go through to grow in God... I asked, "But why does it have to be so unbearable?" Maybe cuz I aint stickin to the right apparal and accessories? Where's the dusty heater I have stored in my attic....
lol you probably have no idea what i'm talking about. it's okay. Deep down, everyone knows that every life has seasons. The blooming spring, hot summer, reaping autumn, and deadly winter. Each circumstance is meant to comprise of a series of lessons and growing pains He brings into our lives to mature us and "grow us up in love" (ephesians 4:15). it's not what happens to us that matters... it's how we handle them that makes the difference...
WOW! OH MY STINKIN GOSH! i think the ONLY reason I have this insane blog is so I can write my thoughts down and then preach them to myself... I wanna cry... I so so so havent been handling this season well AT ALL. It's been so hard and I've been such a baby! I mean I keep saying "oh, now it's gonna be better, now that THIS such thing happened" and I keep going back to wearing those stupid summer and fall shorts. I do not know AT ALL how to handle these circumstances He's allowed in my life... I wanna cry... wait... I do cry lol every single time something goes wrong. i think just about every person close to me can witness to this lol even Josh. Oh man... the way I thought the bend in the road would be is NOTHING LIKE how it is... I thought after we broke up, we'd be peachy friends with no problems; thought Dad would always be stable and he'd be always stuck in a stupid office. But now I'm totally free of any romantic obligation AND I've spent more time with Daddy the past two weeks than I have the past three months! why in the WORLD --MY HOLY CRAP-- am I not taking advantage of this?! Alright, knowing that I will probably still have an issue with this in the morning, bear with me as I yell at myself.
LIANNE, you stinkin' retard, listen up! FORGET THE PAST! Forget Summer and Fall, and EMBRACE THIS KRAZY, DRY WILDERNESS WINTERY SEASON and LOVE IT! My GOSH... it's only a shadow, for pete's sake... as Brooklyn's always said... it'll pass anyway, so enjoy it while you got it. Dont you understand? My trying to hold on to yesterday holds me back from tomorrow... no... holds me back from TODAY! What happened to the importance of today... lol Josh... consider the lilies (luke 12:27-28) , huh punk? Someone buy me a lily to remind me of today...
I love blogs lol.
and I love sleep. I'm signin' off for the night. I LOVE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU INSANE STALKERS WHO WASTE TIME READING ABOUT LIANNE'S RETARDED LIFE. lol. And I love my Jesus so much more than anything right now.... oh GOSH writing has really helped...
LiAnne
Two months, baby! of sickness, of health, of better, of worse... lol. two months ago today was when it ended with da punk.
ALSO it's been exactly two weeks since Dad got the phone call. Tuesday night, after work, his people call and are all "we dont need you anymore". so just like that, he's out of the job. now THAT was shocking. It's been a little hard, living off of koolaid lol. But Dad's smart, he'll get another job. it's just having to wait for it! The tension and the trials. God sure loves that "perseverence" character in His people, cuz we got none of that and we've been put to its test too much. James said somethin' about trials developing perseverence... yup... they either make you or break you. choose, lianne, the red or blue pill...
i'm read to snap... literally... Oswald Chambers said that our life in the hands of God is like a bow and arrow in the hands of an archor. "God is aiming at something I cannot see, but my Lord continues to stretch and strain, and every once and a while I say, 'I cant take it anymore'. Yet God pays no attention; He goes on stretching until his purpose is in sight, and then He lets the arrow fly." Boy oh boy... it has has my life written all over that story... I keep thinking life should be all dandy right now, and wonder why in the WORLD it's not. It's summer, life's all pink and perky. But in my spiritual walk... I'm treadin' a dry, barren winter... in shorts.
I had just read my last blog before startin this one... man... I was seriously preachin to myself then... and I still get sompin out of it now. Where was that passion I claimed to have? That desire to enjoy this so-called God-given singlehood? No... it is, it is! a God given season... He leads me down to the still waters... AND through the valley of death. But as Misty Edwards says... It's only a shadow.
It hurts so badly! I used to say that I love winter because you get to wear layers and layers of clothes lol. In this season, though, I know there's a wardrobe somewhere in this Guidebook... lol.... He PROMISED a Comforter, remember? Didn't He? HE IS MY STRENGTH... My Sweater in the winter... I know He is here.... you dont know how close I sense Him sometimes... "strip off the summer apparal... let go of the past... embrace and enjoy this season now... let Me clothe and cover you..." I can't though... I loved my last season... when Dad had a job and Josh was beside me... I miss the fall leaves lol literally and spiritually. It was so comforting and familar and scary and exciting. And now I'm freezing to death...
We were gardening outside the other day... it was so terribley hot, I mean like 95 degrees and we were tilling the stupid hilly ground! lol. I was like I cannot tolerate this any longer. As Rachel, my baby sister, washed the dog, she began to let a shower of hose water sprinkle the garden, and run down our sweaty necks. man it felt so, stinkin good. I was like... hmm... maybe summer wont be as unbearable as I thought it was ... as long as I keep the right apparal and stay close to the opposite temperatured accessories (aka icecream and hoses). AND THEN IT TOTALLY DAWNED ON ME! It was so suddenly shocking, if it was a snake it woulda bitten me lol.
Mom says this time is just something I have to go through to grow in God... I asked, "But why does it have to be so unbearable?" Maybe cuz I aint stickin to the right apparal and accessories? Where's the dusty heater I have stored in my attic....
lol you probably have no idea what i'm talking about. it's okay. Deep down, everyone knows that every life has seasons. The blooming spring, hot summer, reaping autumn, and deadly winter. Each circumstance is meant to comprise of a series of lessons and growing pains He brings into our lives to mature us and "grow us up in love" (ephesians 4:15). it's not what happens to us that matters... it's how we handle them that makes the difference...
WOW! OH MY STINKIN GOSH! i think the ONLY reason I have this insane blog is so I can write my thoughts down and then preach them to myself... I wanna cry... I so so so havent been handling this season well AT ALL. It's been so hard and I've been such a baby! I mean I keep saying "oh, now it's gonna be better, now that THIS such thing happened" and I keep going back to wearing those stupid summer and fall shorts. I do not know AT ALL how to handle these circumstances He's allowed in my life... I wanna cry... wait... I do cry lol every single time something goes wrong. i think just about every person close to me can witness to this lol even Josh. Oh man... the way I thought the bend in the road would be is NOTHING LIKE how it is... I thought after we broke up, we'd be peachy friends with no problems; thought Dad would always be stable and he'd be always stuck in a stupid office. But now I'm totally free of any romantic obligation AND I've spent more time with Daddy the past two weeks than I have the past three months! why in the WORLD --MY HOLY CRAP-- am I not taking advantage of this?! Alright, knowing that I will probably still have an issue with this in the morning, bear with me as I yell at myself.
LIANNE, you stinkin' retard, listen up! FORGET THE PAST! Forget Summer and Fall, and EMBRACE THIS KRAZY, DRY WILDERNESS WINTERY SEASON and LOVE IT! My GOSH... it's only a shadow, for pete's sake... as Brooklyn's always said... it'll pass anyway, so enjoy it while you got it. Dont you understand? My trying to hold on to yesterday holds me back from tomorrow... no... holds me back from TODAY! What happened to the importance of today... lol Josh... consider the lilies (luke 12:27-28) , huh punk? Someone buy me a lily to remind me of today...
I love blogs lol.
and I love sleep. I'm signin' off for the night. I LOVE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU INSANE STALKERS WHO WASTE TIME READING ABOUT LIANNE'S RETARDED LIFE. lol. And I love my Jesus so much more than anything right now.... oh GOSH writing has really helped...
LiAnne
posted by LiAnne at 7:27 PM
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